Random Thoughts

Since this entry is nothing buy me rambling, trying to get sleepy, I put the longer sections into LJ cuts so that it won't be this huge page long entry.

It's pretty hard when you get attached to something and it suddenly gets taken away, to learn to deal with it.

Today was an OK day. Was supposed to go get my haircut early this morning, but things got in the way so I ended up going in the afternoon. I'm telling you, if I didn't know anything about Cortez I would swear he was a girl. Meaning, he takes forever to get ready and come places. Sometimes, most of the time actually, it gets really annoying. So after waiting for him to come to the Barbershop for about 45 minutes (it is about a 10-20 minute walk from his house to the place) I finally met him up there and we came to my house. We watched Team America and ate chocolate and it was pretty cool. Sent him home and when I got back home I noticed he left his wallet here and it has stuff in it I think he might need so hopefully he calls in the morning *sigh* so I can figure out a way to get it to him. Tben I chilled downstairs with the family. I have been doing a lot of that lately and not being on my computer as much. I guess the computer is finally getting borning enough to not stay on it all day. I need some new sites to go to, so if anyone has any sites I am open. Eh, actually today since it is 2 something thin the morning.

I need to start going to sleep earlier cause when school starts, this staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning ain't gonna cut it. Sometimes I stay up for a reason though, expecting SOMEBODY to call me because people like to call me at late nights. But I don't fight sleep over it, I am never really sleepy until around 4. So maybe I will do some tiring stuff tomorrow so I can at least cut back to 2 or 3 in the morning by the end of next week. 2 weeks until school, it should be interesting.

I need some money, but something is telling me my momma won't give me any. I hate it when she tries to keep my own money from me. I know how to save my money... you are talking to someone who can keep 20 dollars for about a week or so. But then again, when I have a large sum of money I tend to look for things to spend it on. But hey, those are always my fun times. So I am gonna ask if I can get a little of my money out the bank to go shopping this weekend... if she lets me get some.

Speaking of that, she is so cheap. I guess she thinks I don't have ANY friends because I am picking the package for my senior pictures and she is saying like I only need no more than 10 pictures. 24 wallets are enough to cover all the people I need not including her and my grandma and all those people who get the big pictures. Then she also wants me to do something like 2 or 3 poses, including a Cap & Gown, which I HAVE to do. Screw her, I am getting what I want to get because she is not messing my senior year up. I also have to start looking at class rings. I am having second thoughts on those because they are kind of ugly. I don't want to buy it and be like, "Ugh... this is so ugly." It would be a waste of my money. So, I will think about that. Yay, senior!

So... this not being able to talk to Cortez thing is really getting to me. Maybe that's why I can't go to sleep anymore because I am so used to going to sleep while on the phone with him, lol. Then because of certain complications that are happening at the moment made me think of some really sad stuff a couple nights ago. I wanted to go to sleep early cause I wasn't feeling very good, but couldn't go to sleep worth anything. And what happens when I am just laying alone in a dark room? My mind starts going everywhere and I start to think of everything and all this stuff I wish I had the guts or personality to do but can't. I also start fantasizing about events, but there was this one that still sticks out, maybe because I had it for about an hour and I was crying with my eyes closed. SHHHHHH! Don't tell anyone. Anyways, it was about me falling down my stairs and having to go to the hospital and about to die (I know, the most crackheadish way to die, but it happened). So, I told me mum to call all my close peeps and stuff and tell them to come to the hospital. Then I just got me with this whole room of close people to me and I talked to them as they came to mind and all this corny stuff and then I started giving my stuff away for when I died, lol. But yeah, that dream originated from one thought, but now that I think about it, I only spent a couple seconds on that thought and then it branched off into me wanting to talk to everyone. Man, the things I think about. Crazy stuff happens in the life of Raymond McCurty-Smith.

I wish I had my own place, or everyone in my freaking house wasn't here all the time. I am never here by myself, and if I am it is for a short period of time. Every time I am home alone, it isn't when I want to be home alone. I am OK though. I wish I could drive to. Life would be a lot more fun (and expensive) if I had a car and could drive. I wouldn't even want my own place then, I would just go in my car and be at peace. I am crazy.

"EVERYONE HAS AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS!" "Matt Damon" "...the Signal" "This is my serious face!" "If you give me... oral sex!" "... he has shown his loyalty by sucking my cock." "Gary?... Gary?" "'Only if you promise me you will never die.' 'You know I can't do that' 'If you did that I would make love to you right now...' 'I promise I will never die!'" Just a few quotes from Team America... funny stuff.

So, that's all the stuff I have to ramble about tomorrow. Tomorrow will consist of me cleaning up the kitchen and doing nothing else because I am lazy and fat. I need to start working out because being fat is no fun. I just don't know how to lose weight, it's all too complicated. I forget how I went from 180 to 150... maybe I didn't eat for a month or something... maybe... yeah, that is it. I haven't been eating much these last couple days anyway. 1, because this stuff in this house I don't want to ear or I will eat and be hungry a half an hour later, which I don't want or all the food will be gone. 2, I don't feel like cooking and most of the food in the house now has to be cooked. 3, we don't have any cereal so that isn't a choice. 4, pretty soon I am going to be starving because I am not going to have any milk to make Cream of Wheat, which I have been surviving off of, if my brother keeps drinking milk mixed with sugar and vanilla flavoring!!!!!!!!! UGH, I HATE THAT BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I don't think there is a 4. I need some McDonald's so I can use my coupon!

Whatever happened to Ruben Studdard? Just thought about it since I am listening to Kelly Clarkson, the best American Idol to date. OK, I am being random now so I am going to cut this short now.